Sing to the Tune of “I Feel Pretty” from “Westside Story”




I feel vicious, Oh so vicious, oh so vicious and vicious and mean

With such spleen I am going to make a scene


I am raging and rampaging with waves of cascading hate

And this passion you can never douse or abate


I am evil, and medieval, yes I dream of the rack and the ax

To torture and debaucher you to the max


I an stunning, with a stun gun, that can burn your body to bits

And my martial plans will rival those of Clausewitz


So start bowing, and kowtowing, and prostrate yourself to me

Oh Victoria would be green at my jubilee


I am howling, I am glowering, my eyes’ glare like Jezebel’s gems

And your swords are cut down to their stubby stems


Copyright, David Gottfried, 1996


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